Finally
by Satire
Summary: A little HumorficParody for readers out there. Harry is captured by Voldemort and is really pissed about it. Draco saves Harry. Not anther escape fic. HD.


Disclaimer: None of the characters in this story are mine. But the plot, irrevocably, is.

Warning: This is SLASH. Male/Male relationships...If you don't swing that way, swing on by to that button up there which says, BACK.

A/N: One-shots make my world go round. Please review!

Finally

By: Solstice

Lord Voldemort had finally done it. He had finally captured the elusive Harry Potter. The Boy Wonder was bound magically to a chair in one of his many dungeons below his highly menacing castle. Voldemort had even insisted in using ropes too because you never knew with the boy. He felt like puffing out his chest and strutting around like a peacock. But Dark Lords don't do that. They generally glower ominously or let out the occasional evil cackle. Tom Riddle found himself, amidst sipping some red wine, questioning if he chose the right path after all. At that moment, some minions of his may be taking advantage of the Brat-Who's-Luck-Has-Run-Out. Knowing this brought a hint of an evil cackle into Voldemort's wine-stained lips.

Harry Potter had finally done it. He had finally been reckless enough to get caught. Harry was out flying one day, wanting to relax, when all of a sudden his broom went out of control. Harry tried to maneuver his Firebolt into a safe landing but a something cold and empty crept up his leg and invaded his motor skills. He blacked out. The next thing the Boy Wonder realized was that he was tied to a chair inside a small dark room-like space. Without his glasses, Harry couldn't see anything but blurry shapes. That was, until he loudly demanded to be given his glasses back. Someone walked over and magicked his vision back. The first person he saw was an immaculate Draco Malfoy. His pale complexion and near-white hair contrasted with the shadows of the cell. He looked scrubbed and had a healthy flush to his cheeks. Harry spat in his perfect face. Draco had the audacity to look angry and stepped on Harry's foot, hard.

"You're lucky to be alive Potter, don't push it," Draco sneered. He then proceeded to walk away, robes a-swoosh.

That was the second to the last time Harry saw his former schoolmate. Over the next couple of days, different people would come and go either feeding him slush or hosing him down. Suffice to say, Harry wasn't taken care of very well. He would often faint from illness or hunger, sometimes both all the while, stuck to his chair.

Draco Malfoy had finally done it. He had finally gone mad. Over the course of Harry's imprisonment, he had been plotting the prisoner's escape. Voldemort went too far after the Dark Lord decided to bed Mrs. Malfoy. Draco was mad and he wanted revenge. He decided to piss the Great Scaly one off. When Draco saw Harry the day he was brought in, the blonde almost felt like cackling.

He looked down at his blood stained hands and thought, 'I feel like Macbeth, this isn't good.' Draco was pertaining to the only muggle literary character he knew and he felt it was appropriate. The blonde strode into the cell and saw the pathetic-ness that was Potter. The small boy reeked to high heaven and he looked half-dead. Draco can't believe he actually used to have a crush on this creature. Because, come on, everybody had a crush on the Golden Boy, no matter your sexual orientation. The Malfoy Heir did not want to touch Potter. He was even considering magically tying strings to the chair and dragging Harry away, but alas, he didn't have his wand with him. Voldemort was very paranoid and he enjoyed having the only phallic thing in his castle so he decided to take away everyone's wand a day after Harry was brought in.

Draco walked over to the sorry sight and stifled to urge to hold his breath. Slowly, Harry's eyes fluttered open. Draco's heart would have melted if he had one. He quickly covered Harry's mouth with his hand, not wanting spit from hell.

"If you promise not to vandalize on my person or make a noise, I will take away my hand. Understand?" Harry nodded.

"What the hell are you doing with blood in your hands?"

'Oops, note to self: wash hands.'

"Never you mind. I'm getting you out of here," Draco said.

"Escape? Vamoos? Return safely home?" He continued after receiving a baffled look from Harry.

"Why? Don't tell me you finally acquired a conscience?"

"Hardly. My initial plan was to send you to old Voldie in a pink tutu, but…"

"But what?"

"But you wouldn't look good in pink."

Draco winked. Harry rolled his eyes. It was all very romantic. The former Slytherin took a deep breath and kissed Harry. It wasn't a tantalizingly slow, erotic kiss. Draco merely put his lips on Harry's. He pulled away abruptly and stopped himself from gagging, it wouldn't be polite. But aside from the grimy feeling, Draco felt lightheaded. He couldn't see straight, think straight. Nothing will ever be straight for Draco. Harry on the other hand looked shocked. 'Now that isn't polite; and after I went out of my way not to be sick all over him. Such manners' Draco heard himself think, it was all very weird.

"Umm…" Harry started.

"Yes, very Umm," Draco cut in tersely, "It was nothing, just an experiment."

"Er," Harry tried again.

"Very articulate of you," Draco said, reaching into his robe's pocket. He pulled out a miniature broom. "This is a portkey," Draco explained, "A very powerful one. It will take you to a small cottage. The first door on your right will lead you to a room with a fireplace. Floo anywhere you like. Don't be stupid twice and get yourself captured again. I didn't go through all this trouble to have it all wasted, by you. Don't tell a soul I helped you or I'll have to kill you myself. Are we clear?"

Harry was still slack jawed and slightly confused but he nodded slowly.

"Finally! Brain activity."

"Question!" Harry squeaked.

"What?" Draco asked, annoyed.

"Would you untie me?"

Draco hesitated but hastily undid the ropes. The magic that bound Harry to the chair was tricky though. But Draco was nothing if not smart. He looked around and found a big slab of cement. Bringing the block down, he smashed the chair. Harry stood up wobbly and Draco had to support him. The young Malfoy almost fainted.

Harry grabbed the back of Draco's neck and pulled him into a quick kiss. The Boy Savior also grabbed hold of the portkey and disappeared. Draco was left standing, his knees almost giving way.

"Well, that was anti-climactic," he announced to no one in particular.

"Well, off to a bath. Finally."

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